Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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