shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
