well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
