Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
