What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
