Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
