he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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