it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
