OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
