I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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