Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he thought i was a dude.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
