So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
