It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
