from now on my penis is your penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
