So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
