I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you never un-have a 4some
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
