You're completely useless in the revolution.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
