He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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