Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
