Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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