Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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