My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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