There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
