I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
