I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
