I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Randomize
