I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
