some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
