i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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