I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
