It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
