so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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