im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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