I'm going to jail i love you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
