They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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