im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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