i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
