My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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