Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
