what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
