So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
