I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
