Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
