Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
