So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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