Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
