highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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