Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
