the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
