i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
