So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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