My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Boobs are out for the taking
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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