Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
