If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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