You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
