just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
