She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
