I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
