Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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